Be Interested, Not Interesting

Nothing is interesting if you are not interested

An image by Azquotes

• Being interested is more important than being interesting
• The easiest way to be interesting is to be interested.
• Don’t pose as a listener, be one.
• Be impressed and interested, not impressive and interesting.

“Be interested, not interesting.” As soon as I heard these words last week at Amal Academy’s in-person session, something clicked me. This short and simple saying represents one of the most important lessons I have gained over the past few years during my time helping myself to explore myself and how to truly listen to any person we may converse with.

I have always had a fascination with people and their stories, wanting to know more about them and what they have got in them. I would say that I have decent communication skills and have the ability to carry on a prolonged conversation with just about anyone. However, I often fear the silence that inevitably comes up in conversations and ironically, finds myself not listening to the responses I had asked for, instead constantly trying to come up with the next question.

A session recently held by Amal Academy taught me the importance of active listening and how much more I can gain from truly hearing someone, allowing them to lead the conversation.

By applying this, I found that I actually learned more about the person in front of me because they could take the conversation to where they feel most comfortable.

I stopped being selfish and think about myself all the time. That, my friends, is a big thought. And yeah! I have elected to ignore the whole listening and selflessness aspect of that quote to focus on “stepping up” because that is the truly enlightening part. Because in the end, it comes down to several things.

How to Win Friends and Influence People

I have given a book to read which was named “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. Specifically its one of the chapters “Do This And You’ll Be Welcome Anywhere”. It was really a famous book by a famous writer. I am supposed to share my experience during that activity, here with you people.

The quote from the start of the article is from this book, and the book is my favourite of all time. It’s also probably one of my favourites books that had the biggest impact on my life so far.

In this book, the writer guides the readers to be good at their first impressions, make a healthy and useful conversation and most importantly to be awesome at dealing with others all the time. The writer gives an example of his dog whose name was Tippy and he was just like his friend or you can say his companion from five years but the dog died through lightning. He asks his dog:

“You never read a book on psychology, Tippy. You knew by some divine instinct that you can make more friends in two months by genuinely getting interested in people than you can make in two years by trying to get people interested in you.”

It was quoted that people are not interested in knowing about others, they only love to talk about themselves. In the chapter, it was written that the New York telephone company conducted a detailed survey on telephone conversation to find out which word is frequently used. It is a personal pronoun “I”. It was used 3900 times in 500 telephone conversations. People need to know who you care. So ditch started listening. I learned that be an active listener, you can show people that you’re interested in them by eye contact, responding to them, by frequently asking questions it shows them that you are sincere about them, you care about them.

Lesson from Dale

After reading his books and searching about him on different websites, I’m summarizing some of the lessons which I’ve learned from his book:

• Avoid criticizing, condemning, or complaining.
• Praise others’ achievements.
• Be empathetic.
• Know the value of charm.
• Encourage people to talk about themselves.
• Know when to use suggestions instead of direct orders.
• Acknowledge your own mistakes
• Respect others’ dignity
• Don’t try “winning” an argument
• Be friendly, no matter how angry the other person may be
• Get others to think your conclusion is their own

Steps for being interested

Mindset:

Get yourself in the right mindset before you even go out networking. Be sure your intention is to find out about the other people in the room. Body language operates at a subconscious level, so if you’re really focused and interested in the other person, then your body language will reflect this and the other person will automatically pick this up.

Make them feel that you care

Ask about the other person first. As your intention is to be interested in the other person, initiate the conversation by asking about them first. If you’re a beginner and find it hard to start conversations, this makes it so much easier. If you’re a natural person with good communication skills, then it stops you before you found out whether the other person is likely to be interested. It will surely help you to know more about them and their interests.

Clear Your Mind

Clear your mind and focus on what they are really saying. In most conversations, we actually spend the time whilst the other person is talking to formulate our response. As our brains take processing time to formulate what we are going to say next this means we weren’t really listening to them and definitely not responding to the last thing they said.

Interested Challenge

Here’s an exercise to practice your listening skills which I learned from the last in-person session. Ask a friend whom you didn’t talk to a quite long to let you practice on him. Ask them to talk about something that’s on their mind for 60 Minutes. Set a timer to ding when 60 minutes is up.

• Just sit quietly giving them your full attention.
• Don’t think about how you are going to respond or even if you agree or disagree with them. Try not to ask for clarification.
• Don’t be tempted to ask questions or encourage them if they dry up. Just carry on listening, they will fill any silence and start talking again.
• Ask follow‐up questions; demonstrate a genuine interest
• Avoid distractions

Lesson from my experience

Being a student, the communication barrier was always a problem for me as I used to think that I was right in every point of view. When I started freelancing, I got more engaged with different people with a different mindset. I tried to keep my self calm and engage with the people and communicate with them so effectively which I could not do in the nearby past. Applying Dale’s book theory to my real life helped me a lot to listen to others rather than just speaking about myself. I’m trying to apply these rules in my professional life too, so it may help me in getting more resources from others.

About the Author

Hi, I’m Ammar Ahmad and I’m a freelancer and currently enrolled in bachelors of civil engineering. I help people just like you to enhance their soft skills. If anyone has questions or wanna give feedback about my blog, then feel to contact me on

1. Email: aa2875324@gmail.com or muhammad.ammar102amalacademy.org
2. Linked In: https://www.linkedin.com/in/muhammad-ammar-ahmad-91b64b180
3. Twitter: https://mobile.twitter.com/its_amy25